Uuuuuuuuugh Owwwwwwwwww

I went back to Zumba last night, after being away for a week and a half. Though I absolutely loved it, my body wasn't as thrilled. After coming home, having dinner, doing dishes and settling Richie into bed, I laid on my bed to watch a little tv. Laying there, I wanted nothing more than to just curl up and sleep. Still, I had to shower. My body cried out for the hot water and I found myself turning it up higher than usual. The 11 o'clock news was set to come on and usually I watch it. However, last night I gingerly climbed into bed, trying to placate the aching muscles. With every twist and turn I discovered new aches in places I didn't know had anything to ache.

Sleep didn't come very easily thanks to the soreness and most likely the shower. I think I'm going to have to start showering earlier, when I do it right before bed it makes it harder for me to get to sleep...go figure. Even so, I finally drifted off to sleep only it seems, to be waken up right away. Did 6 hours really go by already? Has someone played a joke on me? Surely that couldn't be my alarm!

I dragged myself out of bed and even resisted the urge to pull on my sweatpants. There are places that are still crying from last night. I want to sleep, just for a couple days, that's all. Yet, here I am, at work, hoping to get through the day. I've purchased these Green Tea pills a friend recommended. She said they've helped her lose weight so I'm hopeful that they'll help me jump start my loss. I am eating healthier and exercising so, a little help would be nice. Really, a lot of help would be nice. Come over here and lend me a hand, someone need to get the Icy Hot onto the right spots on my back...no more skipping Zumba! Owwwwwwwwwww

The Old College Try

I haven't been able to Zumba in over a week...it sucks. I can't believe I'm saying that as exercising isn't usually something I'd be jumping up and down to do. However, I really do enjoy my Zumba time and am missing it very much. Last Thursday's class had to be cancelled because of the weather which really disappointed me since it was my last full week before the basketball games started. Monday I should've been able to go but lack of funds kept me home instead. I found it difficult to bite my tongue and not fuss at Donnie because here I am trying to get healthier and his need for McDonalds and pop that's $3 for a 6 pack could've been the difference between my working out and my staying home. Still, I was nice and didn't say anything. Last night we had basketball games at 6:30 and 7:30. Two plus hours on the bleachers made me want to crawl into bed and just sleep...forget everything else.

Knowing I was going to run into many more nights like last night, I insisted on downloading some of the Zumba songs I know off of iTunes. It seems very reasonable for me to use my iPod to help me get in shape. So, I downloaded a few of the songs I remember the steps to and kept telling myself that sooner or later I'd use them to work out. I was even proud of myself for using Hunter's practice time to do some walking on Tuesday. Yet, as of this morning, I had not used those songs.

When I got into the daycare this morning, I saw the laptop sitting out. I'd left it on the table last night in my hurry to get to the doctor's office, home to pick up the kids and back out to drop everyone off at the games while I took my CPR class (I told you I'm always running). So, I thought, why not work out before the kids got here? After all, my body won't know what it's doing until it's too late. To a degree this was true, I got through two of the three songs before I started thinking it might not have been such a good idea after all. Even so, I made it through the songs without giving in to my urge to just go back to sleep. What's more, I wasn't freezing when I was done! Hopefully, I can keep this up every morning. Even if it's just a few songs, something has to be better than nothing.

Come Monday, there are no basketball games and I should be able to go right on to Zumba. That is of course if the weather doesn't get in the way. I'm so over the snow at this point. Either way, I can still do some working out, I've got the music!!

Let The Games Begin

I recently joined a group in my community that does the Zumba workouts twice a week. Though friends have been trying to get me to join for months, it always seemed I had something else I had to do or somewhere else I had to be. Finally, I gave in and joined. A huge part of this was seeing pictures of myself from my sister's wedding...seriously, they made me cry. Then there's the fact that while looking for an outfit to wear for Christmas I had the overwhelming urge to look in the maternity section because I knew the clothes would fit and not be uncomfortable. Let's face it, my child is almost 10 years old and I'm STILL carrying the baby weight. UGH!

Before I got pregnant, I had slimmed down to a size 8. I know to a lot of people that doesn't seem very small. However, to someone like me, who has always had trouble with her weight, 8 was a fantastic size. Yet, along came baby, belly and all. Through the years I've tried many means of losing weight. I've dieted, walked everywhere, used workout videos and equipment, but nothing lasted very long. Let's face it, as a single mom, the time to workout is almost impossible to find. When I'm not working, I'm going from place to place with Richie.

This time however, this time is going to be different...I hope. I was so excited to join the Zumba class and even signed up for their biggest loser contest. Despite some fussing, I've managed to revamp our menu at home so I don't have to eat a seperate meal to ensure I'm eating well. Things were looking up and I was determined. Then came the basketball schedule. With three boys now, we have games sometimes 5 days a week. I freaked out...how am I supposed to keep exercising if I can't make it to classes?

Then, as I sat here at the daycare today, it dawned on me. I know most of the steps to the Zumba dances now. There's nothing that says I can't download the songs and work in some Zumba time here and there. I may not be able to devote an hour straight to it regularly, but I can get some exercise in here and there. As of now, I can make one class a week which will have to be my weigh in days and my once a week me time. Still, I am determined this time to lose the weight, even if it means working out in my office during nap time.

Does anyone have any ideas for workout DVD's or download-able videos I can use?

Photo Gifts from Shutterfly

For years, when Richie was little, I'd buy photo cards for Christmas from wherever I could get them the easiest. Once I moved out of my parents' house, however, I found myself falling behind on simple things like Christmas cards. I'd find myself, at the last minute trying to sort through all my pictures and get to the store before the photo counter closed. Yes, even at WalMart, the photo counter isn't open 24/7. Eventually, I gave up on photo cards and just bought generic cards from the drug store. On some years, I'd be fortunate enough to find time to label,stamp and mail them. Other times, the cards would sit, untouched until the holidays were over.

Now, my family has grown and it's not just Richie and I anymore. I want to show off my family to those I don't regularly get to see. Still, I work 12 hours a day. Most places are closed when I come in and by the time I leave, go home, sort out dinner and run to ballgames and practices...everything is yet again closed. Yet, I'm determined to get my cards this year and get them out. My friend Emily posted a blog about Shutterfly's Christmas Cards and other photo gifts available. I was amazed to see all the different styles and designs they offer.

With such a big family the collage cards like the one below are perfect for us:



Of course, I love the color green and I'm not big on going all traditional so this one is also one of my favorites:
 



What's more, Shutterfly has more than just cards. You can order photo books and calenders. The one's below are just a sample of what they offer, check out their site for more...

I am participating in Shutterfly's Holiday Card promotion! Are you a blogger? Click here to find out how you can participate in Shutterfly's Holiday Card promotion! The opinions I have shared are completely my own! I would not lie to you, folks. :)

argh

As I sit here, I see the kids I watch playing. Only I don't know that you could qualify what they do as playing. They're destroying my playroom and I know it. No amount of structured time can keep my playroom safe. I don't think I have a single toy left that works to it's fullest extent, thanks to these kids. No, I don't have boys, I have two little girls that I swear come through here like a twister.

We've finished breakfast and after the disaster that was, I need to hide. Apparently, there's no way I can win here. We had oatmeal, so I tried to feed the youngest in order to keep her clothes and my dining room clean. Oh no, she wouldn't have that so she fed herself. I covered her in a bib so big it would've kept Hunter clean then I went into the kitchen to pour their drinks. Mistake number one! Never, ever turn your back on an eating toddler. No, she didn't choke but I about died when I came back into the room. Her clothes are clean, thanks to the bib, but the area around her was a disaster. What's her older sister doing? Cheering her on.

As I deposit the now screaming one year old back into the playroom I wonder what I could've been thinking by opening a daycare. On my hands and knees scooping oatmeal off the floor, I once again whisper a silent prayer of thanks that I can't have anymore kids. Lately, it seems, I'm just overwhelmed by it all. I don't know if it's the kids or me.

I love children and I've always wanted to work with them. But I come home at the end of the day so worn out by the time spent with just two little girls. I don't remember feeling this way in high school after school, work and band practice. I was up and going earlier and kept going much later. I was surrounded by many more children than this. Why is it I can't handle two little girls?

Part of that answer I know, they get away with what they want at home. I'm not bashing the woman who raises them, she's a foster mom and it takes something to raise someone else's children. Still, they think they can do as they wish and be as disrespectful as possible without any kind of consequence. So, when I have to put one in time out or get them down off a toy they shouldn't be climbing on, the breakdown is that much worse because they can do whatever at home.

My Aunt and I were talking the other night and she reminded me that my Grandmother, her mother, ran a daycare from their home. My mom's mom was also a child care provider so I guess it runs in the family. I didn't get to know my Grandmother Hargrove as alzheimers took her before I was old enough to even walk. So, I don't know how she did it. My Grandmother Summers on the other hand, we lived with her, I got to watch her with her babysitting kids as she called them.

This morning as I'm thanking God for my inability to have more kids, (I love my kids but I don't want to start over at the beginning) I'm trying to remember what my Grandmother would do. Granted, I remember her spanking us more than once and I'm pretty sure the regular babysitting kids got their fair share too, we weren't special. Still, there has to be something. Closing my eyes, I remember her ushering us into the basement to play. It seems we just had more room in that old ranch house. Maybe it's because to me that was home but, I'll figure something out. There has to be some way.

My Grandmother

From time to time I have dreams about my Grandmother Summers. We spent all of the childhood we had, with her. I guess that's maybe why I feel so strongly attached to her house. It seemed like my safe house. I always knew what the rules were and I always knew she was there watching over me.

In most of my dreams she is gone. I guess the reality of that is strong enough in my mind that I can no longer dream her back into being. Many of my dreams result in my waking up with tears on my face. I can never quite remember them, but I know there was something of here there.

Last night's dream was similar in that, no matter how hard I try, I really can't remember it. The one thing I do remember is standing in her house and realizing that losing a Grandparent is one of those things you never completely get over. Not particularly when you have the close relationship we had.

There are things about her I remember like it was yesterday. I remember her hands, pinching at my clothes as I lay across her lap in her chair. Her laugh still comes to mind and I can see her smile when I close my eyes. If given the opportunity, I could map out every detail of her house and her things, right down to where her jewelry sat on her dresser in a box I was barely old enough to touch the last time I saw her.

Last night's dream was different in that, even after waking up, I couldn't shake the sadness of it all. Still now, hours after, I feel it weighing on me. Part of me knows it's the time of year for it. You see, 19 years ago this week she was gone, in the blink of an eye. I never got to say goodbye and for that I am part saddened and part grateful. Let me make it clear, I loved and still love my Grandmother. But, the state she was in during her final hours is not a way I ever want to remember her, so I'm glad I didn't go into the hospital room and see her under all the tubes and equipment. Still, I wish I had been able to hold her hand once more and know.

It is now though, 19 years later, as I said and this time of year always brings sadness. I lost both of my Grandparents 6 years apart in the same week. Now, I'm preparing to lose another. I know it's only a matter of time before I get the call that we've lost my mom's dad. I ache for the relationship we didn't have, as we weren't close to him. And, I feel relief in knowing that when he goes there will be no more suffering or confusion on his part, as he suffers with dementia.

Maybe, that's why my Grandmother has paid me a visit. Perhaps it's not because of the memory of what was but it's to prepare me for what's ahead. Could it be that after all these years, she's coming to welcome my Grandfather home? I guess only time will tell. But, time can not take away the knowledge that she watches over me, always.

Memories of the House That Built Me

It's funny the things you remember as you look back. I can remember my Grandmother's kitchen table. There was one in the dining room but I never really sat at it for meals. We always ate in the kitchen. In the center of that kitchen table was a big ceramic chicken...yes, chicken. It was in two pieces and when you lifter the top half, it opened to any manner of things. I remember mail being stuffed inside the big chicken. There were envelopes in there that had never been opened, still, she knew what was inside each one. From time to time I can remember her digging through there swearing because she knew, the paper she wanted was inside. The table wouldn't look like anything special to anyone but family though. It was just another farmhouse kitchen table. That sturdy, wooden table was where we ate breakfast, lunch and dinner. My Grandfather would land in his seat at the table before going anywhere else in the house.

It's the little details though that make the table special. Like sitting with my Grandmother while she snapped beans. Or sitting there in timeout when I'd gotten in trouble and I always managed to find trouble. There were many nights I remember sitting at that table with a cup of water after a bad dream. Most of all though, it was under that table that I got my first kiss, if you can call it that. I was 5 years old and had spent too many nap times watching Soaps with Grandma instead of napping. The things a 5 year old picks up would amaze anyone. The little boy my age did the same thing. Now that we were in Kindergarten, we didn't have to nap, so we watched Soaps. It was those Soaps that taught us about Drive In movies and what you did at a drive in. So, there we sat, under the table, pretending we were in a car at the drive in. He leaned over and kissed me and that's when we heard my Grandmother get up out of her chair. Even though a wall seperated us from her in the living room, we were sure she had seen us. I don't know if we'd ever moved faster. He hit his head on the table trying to get up and I got in trouble because she thought I'd pushed him into it. So, there I sat once again, at time out, at that kitchen table.

Like I said, it's the little things. There are so many little things, that I couldn't put them all in one post or I'd have a novel.